I have no motivation to do any work, and that is particularly disturbing because I have a research paper due Monday that I've yet to read my sources for. I also have a research paper due May 2nd, which is my only grade. At least I have done my research for that.  I also have finals in a couple weeks, a lab project/paper due, and an assortment of other things for which I've done no work.

I'm scared that I'm not going to do well this semester, but at the same time I just don't care. Maybe I'm home sick, or maybe it's just a severe case of Spring Fever (though it is nothing like spring up here).

It could be that I'm just not well. I've not taken my vitamins in a rather longtime, I haven't been getting the right amount of fruit and veggies in either. I just feel like I don't have time to take care of myself. I haven't been working out either. I swear. I hate grad school. I really do. Well, I hate this grad school.  

The last few months have been the most bizarre of my life.  One of my closest friends was attacked and seriously injured. Shortly after a guy at school was mugged and injured.  The day after my 24th birthday, I see a man get hit by a car (UPDATE:  the police officer called my aunt, and the man is alive, but in a coma), And most recently, the man that was killed in the dorm room at VT was a friend of mine in high school.  I just don't understand how you can go through life and so rarely experience tragedy, and then all of a sudden in a few months time have all these traumatic experiences.  I hope that this is a fluke and not a sign of what the rest of my life will be like.  AND, my sister is still not talking to me, which causes me particular distress. I don't know what to do and I don't even know if there is anything I can do.

I just need a break. I want time for myself where I don't have to think about anything, where I'm not worrying about some body else, or whether or not I'm living up to someone elses standards, or if I'm making people happy. I just want to go lay on the beach all by myself for a week, with a book, and some alcohol. 

Alright, enough venting.  The good news is: Sanjaya is no longer on American Idol. Although, I did feel badly for him when he was crying.

"i couldn't be more proud of you than if you had actually earned these grades" or something like that - Clueless.

I talked to my hardass professor about my exam and got 3.5 points back, which pushed me up to an A-!!!! YAY!! Very pleased!!!  Unlike Clueless, I really did earn them. He would most defintely not give sympathy points. 

I'm watching America's Next Top Model Season 2. I love this season. Yoanna is so pretty.

i just had an amazing dinner of Indian food. Yum!! Masala Aloo Gobi. Yum! plus an assortment of other people's food.  Naan, samosas. Yum!!

Preach it SImon. he's honest. and he has the same opinions as i do.

ahhh.  coke zero with cherry. yum.

i had a statistics test today.  meh.  we'll see how i did.  i don't think i could have studied any differently, so i'm pleased with my input.  

food coma.

i hope Little Miss Sunshine wins an Oscar!! have i ever mentioned that i think Steve Carrell is so handsome! 

i have a serious aching for some chocolate. i want to stuff my face.   

ps. i just made the best pasta putanesca ever!! it was delicious!! i sauteed a lot of garlic and some onion in butter, seasoned it with salt, pepper (perhaps a little too much, my mouth was on fire a bit), dried basil, oregano, and parsley, and added in a can of diced tomatoes.  and i mixed it with spaghetti.  oh my gosh. it was tasty!!!

oh my g-d!!! did you know djimon hounsou was in paula abdul and janet jackson videos? apparently tina turner too!! wow! i still love him.

eeeew! this has to be the most insane thing ever - but Kelly from Bad News Bears (I didn't need Ryan Seacrest to tell me this either) is nominated!! he's still as creepy as ever. NO! he's creepier now!! 

okay, i'm gonna sign off before i find out more tasty tidbits to share.

it was snowing here - i can't remember seeing snow that big. it was insane!!

b/c she wasn't perfect and her family's home embarrassed him. i would smack him in his face if i could. 

on an up note: LHS Lacrosse won both of their games today!! The second one was 15-1 against a team who did nothing but hit. According to my mom, my dad got so mad once that he started screaming at the other coach that "this isn't lacrosse."  One boy's face got split open and was having some memory problems.  His parents took him to an urgent care center and they said his lesion was too much for just stitches, that he needed a plastic surgeon.  Woah that. I suggested that they take the video of the game to the High School Lacrosse Association about looking into this team.  At least our boys kicked their asses. I'm so proud of them.

I will be home to watch 2 games next week and I can not wait. These are my boys - I feel like I have 20+ little brothers!! I can't wait to go to their game and hang out at practice. I'm so proud of them. Honeslty, now that lacrosse season is here, I'm more home sick than ever.  And my poor mama is so lonely without me home. My dad is gone from 7am 'til 8pm and then goes on the computer for stats and stuff.  Poor mama.

no update on vasu. i was unable to go to baltimore (b/c there is a storm-a-brewin') so i'll call his folks tomorrow.

NEW SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE AND THE OSCARS TOMORROW! OOOOOH!

my vote on american idol goes to stephanie edwards from savannah, georgia, hands down. that girl is amazing.

it could be premature here considering she was the first girl to sing - but i watched last night with the guys and i think she is brilliant. woo!!

so the guy was a no go. not like that is anything new. but c'est la vie, right?

and how emotionally involved am i in ugly betty and grey's anatomy. if ugly betty can't find love, there is no hope for me.  i'm so anxious over meredith right now. i thought i'd be okay if she left the show, but now that she's lying there all blue, i'm so sad. i don't want her to be gone.  what will happen to derek? i can NOT imagine him with another character. it would be so wrong.  maybe she'll die. and they'll revive her. oh geesh. 

and where the hell is my computer!!!!  and my car was so stuck in the ice today - it took nearly 40 minutes to get it out. i had a neighbor helping me.  i dug with a shovel, i put down kitty litter, and we rocked the car.  it finally just gave. thank gosh! snow is not as fun when you're a grown up.  although i did have some fun playing in it yesterday.

i don't feel like going back into what i just wrote. so i'll summarize.

eating reddi wip from the can. it's fat free.
being alone again on valentine's day. tomorrow is looming ahead. 
heroes was boring. i'm looking forward to thursday. mon, thurs, fri are the only days i like any tv shows.
it wont stop snowing outside and i unfortunately have to hike to class. yuck. i'm taking the trolley.  snow is nice when you don't have to go out in it. if the local grade schools, ms, and hs are closing - so should we. fuckers. 
i had a ball at the toy fair and i will post soon enough, perhaps some pics when i work out my laptop.
oh yeah - my lap top is on the fritz and i'm sad. so so sad. i haven't heard from the shop yet either. poor poor laptop. how i love thee.